Doing the Right Thing
From CNN Money.
I love my wife, but her inability to keep her mouth shut about money has become a real problem. She’s got a couple of relatives whose hands come out whenever they hear that I’ve gotten a raise or that we’ve treated ourselves, for example, to a big screen TV. I handle our finances, and I’m beginning to think I shouldn’t be telling Heather as much about them as I do. Under the circumstances, would this be wrong?
What an interesting situation. The comment section was alive with many colorful remarks. Amid the valid well thought out replies there were the usual stream of semi-conscious dribble. It is amazing how many folks would actually suggest that he leave his wife. Then again, this is the internet and anonymity has that effect on people, so I shouldn’t be so surprised.
Here is my take.
There is nothing wrong with the wife. There is no reason that she should be ashamed or regretful of success. When I get a raise, I want to be able to share that good news with my friends and family. It is only natural to want to spread good news. Raises should be celebrated not hidden. So long as the tone is not obnoxious, there shouldn’t be an issue.
The real problem is with the relatives. Who are they to expect a slice of your pie just because your family has a bit of success? This is selfish and childish behavior. They need to grow up and accept the fact that they should earn their own way instead of pan handling to their relatives.
I will admit that sometimes I don’t end up telling specific relatives about my raises or personal spending for just this reason. I know that the instant they hear about any sort of windfall, they will start behaving badly. It is a sad thing when you don’t feel comfortable sharing the truth with family.
I remember very distinctly being primed for this type of behavior even before I had graduated college. It was the holidays and we were talking about my job search. I had not landed a full time job yet and was graduating in May. I was telling my family all about my recent interviews and the current leads I was chasing down. I must have impressed my Sister’s husband because he was quick to interject something along the lines of, “You better remember us when you make it big after college.”
Isn’t that just unsettling? When you are put into that awkward a situation time and time again, there is little else you can do. It is highly unlikely that they are going to change all of a sudden for the better. People don’t often change on a dime.
I’m done being an enabler. I hope that in future situations where I may be tempted to break that promise to myself, my future wife will be there to help me through it and be there to console me when I inevitably feel awful afterwards. Sometimes doing the right thing hurts.