Warnings on Financial Gifts to Family
Just say ‘NO’.
It works for drugs. I see no reason why giving money to family is any different. In fact, the destructive influence they have on relationships can be comparable. It is a poison.
Very soon after graduating college, I took my first job in the engineering field with a big fat engineering salary. At least that is what I assume my older sister must have believed. Being the fat cat I am, I should have no trouble lending her $100 or so. Every month.
It was always for a good reason. The babies needed food, they just came up short this month. I handed over money without thinking too much about it at first. The only thing that really irked me was the urgency required with every request. She always needed the money right away. The only method that would suffice was always same day service from Western Union or the like. For those who have not had to use such a service the fees charged for a same day cash transfer are onerous.
Eventually as I began to show reluctance in lending money so frequently, the ante was raised. The amounts got bigger, $300 $500 now. Now the repo man was coming for the car, the heat just got turned off.
Eventually, she needed $1500 tomorrow. And if I didn’t give it to her, she would just find a loan shark to get the money from. One that was sure to break her legs when she ultimately could not give the money back. It was too much for me. I called my parent and got them involved.
It seems that she had also received money from them. And our younger brother. And our grandmother. And her home town friends. And even a distant aunt who happened to be in the hospital at the time.
I said no. She has since stopped asking me for money and thus, we do not speak to one another at all. I doubt that I want to invite her to my wedding. I’m saddened whenever I think about it.
Get the Entire Family Involved
If any family member is legitimately in trouble, then it’s time to put pride aside and tell the whole story. No secrets, just brutal honesty. If my family had at least been honest with each other then we would have realized what was going on sooner. Maybe we could have solved something before it went too far.
Learn from my error and don’t lend money to family. A little tough love early on may have helped to avoid a ruined relationship in the future.